What Keeps Me From Starting Anything

This is a pretty big post for me.

One reason that I feel I can't start something is there are too many distractions around me. I think I'm getting distracted right now by people who are talking about something that I really want to fall in on, but... it's almost like taking a nap. You know you're not gonna miss anything important so you just shut out the world for a little bit (or a lot a bit) and take a mental health break. You can also chose to do it or not, which is a big factor in this extending metaphor. I only chose not to because I feel like I'll miss something important. I "stay awake" from things that really aren't all that important. They make me forget about the important things that need to be done, aka homework. I also crave these distractions because I'm not entertained on whatever it is I need to work on.

How Fear Can Take Over My Art Process

I feel that fear is something that I always deal with whenever I'm in my art element. Even if I'm confident in my movements from what I've learned, I'm still always doubtful of myself. It's hard to express upon words. You just do not want to mess up, then the pressure just builds and builds as you struggle to do better, so not doing it at all and keeping that struggle away from you is the only solution. But then finally you have it and when you get it done, "it's lovely" but you're expected to do it again. After all the hard work, if you're good you can do it again. I was never good at it in the first place so how could I possibly do it again?! You always think that your just not putting in the right amount or you're just spilling over the brim. It's never just ENOUGH in some cases. Your insecurities take control over you when you are not comfortable in the art form that you want to be in. Sucking at it is inevitable, yet you can't bring yourself to learn from it. Some of this is how I feel when fear takes hold of me. Learning to get past it is practically impossible because it keeps recurring almost every day. Worst of all, that feeling of not even knowing where to start just leaves me frozen. Trapped. Frustrated. Stressed. The feelings' are written all over me, yet other people don't read it, never have the time to, or see it, try and help me, and I send them away. I say sorry a lot because I don't want to make a mistake. Fact is: I'm always going to make them, yet I can't get that in my head because of the other voices in my head saying "Eh, you're alright." or "Looking decently good.". Those voices need to shut the hell up, but everything changes when you're in the heat of the moment.

I feel like instead of doing something to just the best of my ability, I just simply try to do the best of what I'm given or what I've come up with in my art. Most people who know me or who have talked to me see that I over think a lot. I guess I just like to consider all of the possibilities because I'm never sure of myself and how I want to do things. I need to just pick a path and stick with it and create a time limit for myself for how long I have to choose. I remember doing this another time in order to come up with something to write about for a blog and it worked like a charm. The one question is: Why haven't I used it yet? I need to get the voices out of my head that are stopping for finding the perfect thing. Instead, the perfect think should be what I think is right. If it's not relevant to whatever the main objective was, I'll be justified and hopefully disciplined if done enough times. I think discipline is as an important component to standing up to your fear as is facing it like a man/strong woman. If I don't think that you'll be able to do something again and again and again like blog posting, why can't I just think ahead at an unfinished product like you always would do with a painting of the consequences. That will could possibly teach me to keep pushing along and get over my fear of posting something that may seem embarrassing or revealing. Think of a more positive outcome.

Lastly, I feel like many artists tend to live in the moment with many things. They choose to reflect on their work only if it composes inspiration or something they are quite proud of. However, if you ever reflect on something bad, you can either choose to ignore it, complain about it, or reflect upon it for how and what you can do better. Also, don't worry if you over think a lot and don't worry too much about how something's gonna turn out. At least you have a lot of options in your head to make anything from a different angle and at least you have the talent and a hell of potential to set a goal for yourself. You know where you're going. You know where to start. Just go for it. If you mess up, use that as your advantage to looking at things from a new angle. Isn't that how all artists are unique? The inevitability of messing up makes artistry even more worth while.  I hope you really dug into my cranium to see how fear and the ways to conquer that fear take over my art process. I bid you all adieu.

Crapples Commercial

Alright so I think it was last week when my sister and I were bored at home. Had nothing to do. Then she decided to cook something. She was looking for apples as I was doing homework and she said "Hey, do we have any apples that look somewhat decent?! These look like crap!" and then she came up with the term "Crapples" which I laughed at whenever I heard it for probably the rest of the day. I was thinking about trying to make a commercial for this for STAC Live. Not as an ad, but just as something that we can show to people as sort of an example of what we do in STAC. Or it can just be something that I can do as an independent project for shits and giggles. Sometimes when I think about it, Crapples does sound kinda stupid and ridiculous. But, in a cereal ad or other things including apples, it would look very funny. I still remember the plot:

So, little Billy has just come home after a long, hard day of school. He says that he's so tired, he could sure use a little snack for some energy. Then, *fart noise*, Mommy McFeces (or something like that) appears and says that she has a remedy for his troubles. Billy looks into the camera and goes "Re-me-dy? What's that mean?!" with a stupid expression on his face. Then Mommy McFeces says, "Well, I'll tell ya. My newest addition to food groups: Crapples!" "Crapples?!?! What's that?" Then the camera goes to Mommy McFeces with a big, devilish smirk and on her face. She throws a batch of them on a plate and in front of little Billy. He looks at it for a second... "What the fuck is this crap?" and Mommy McFeces tries to keep her cool "It's the McFeces' way toward a healthy diet... (aside to Billy) now eat it, ya sissy." "Hey! I'm not a sissy!" She scarfs it down his throat. Little Billy is looking nauseous and turning green. "Now how did that taste, my little Billy willy?" Pinches his cheeks... last straw. Billy throws up the Crapples on her. She's an angry turd now "Alright you little crapsicle!!! I mean, no no no Billy hahaha... kids." "So buy my Crapples today for a guaranteed healthy lifestyle!" "THEY SUCKED!" "SHUT UP BILLY!" Then a deep-voiced narrator will name off other foods like Crapples such as Crapple Pie, Crap Cakes, and Crapple Jacks.

I hope that you all liked this little commercial I put together and I hope it gets taken at least into consideration.

The Struggles that I'm Facing with my Assignments

Hey everybody. I thought that it would be appropriate to make this post at a present time because I have been struggling with a lot of materials in my arts program, STAC. I feel like STAC could help me to become a better learner of art that I could apply to other fields of study, but I just have to learn to accept the help from other people and not counteract with how I think that their help should be given to me or if there help is relevant or not to me and how to get that across in a not-so harsh way. I have been told by my teacher that writing blogs is supposed to be you're coming up with the idea as you are writing and trying to find yourself in the disciplines that you learned about pertaining to what the developing idea that you're blogging about.

I'm thinking that the problem with me is I'm too afraid to just let things happen. Too afraid to let go. Too afraid to break free from mission control center (aka my brain). I have been struggling with this problem ever since the beginning of high school and before, along with some others which I may talk about later. Almost every time I'm faced with a problem, I go through my mind of what I think I can do to achieve it and sometimes ideas cross and I over think about what the teachers and the students want, instead of what I want. This is also the case when I have to deal with when giving my opinion about something. I know what an opinion is defined as, but I feel like whenever I give mine in a writing or in front of a group of people, I want it to be very insightful which then leads to more over thinking. I have breakdowns over this one thing for not knowing the right time to do it, but I've learned to co-op with it over the years.

I keep on thinking that the problem with my blogging is that there are voices in my head always second guessing me, saying that it's not good enough or it won't be like the others or it won't measure up to the consent of other students, the teacher, or any other people who are reading this. I should really just be doing this for me, Although I can never seem to get that into my thick head, I still think about it a lot. It's either that or the legitimate excuse of just not getting to it. No matter what happens, I need to be more mentally responsible for getting everything in, even if it sucks. Another problem was always asking for help because I always felt that if you wanted to be mature, you had to be able to do things on your own. That mentality still blocks my thinking and I'm still trying to co-op with it also. I will try my best to further improve on this in the future, but for now, I just have to deal with the consequences and pray that I can do a better job next time the opportunity comes around. I'm also looking for feedback on ideas to help me overcome any of these blocks. Thank you.

Bonnard Painting and what I like in terms of Quality and Value

This Pierre Bonnard painting that I chose to evaluate is called "The Breakfast Room" that was painted in 1930-31. What I really find interesting in this painting is the color contrast between the outside and the inside. On the outside, it looks to be bright, hopeful, and filled with wonder. On the inside, however, it's dark, a little dreary and just plain sad. In the corner there stands Bonnard's wife, inspiration and muse, Marthe de Méligny. In the book The Accidental Masterpiece, it describes her as being paranoid, sick all the time, not very into the outside (she would take an umbrella whenever she went out to hide herself), and domineering over Bonnard because she didn't want him having any life/affairs with anyone but her. I believe that this painting is very symbolical for that description because it shows Marthe turned away from the outside and is against the dark corners looking depressed. The book also described Bonnard's affairs with two other women and how he would always go about the house (or world that he created for him and his wife), writing or sketching ideas or what he observes and stuffs it in his coat jacket. So, I could infer the painting adds that significance and symbolism in play by showing Bonnard's longing for the outside. To be free. To experience what he thought he never could accomplish. But he is confined to a villa on the southeastern side of France by his muse/crazy ass wife who was afraid people were going to steal his ideas. The painting overall is very tender as most of Bonnard's works are, very conceptualizing in ideas like house arrest, ongoing pain, and the desire of breaking free. Magnificent work.

USDAN Summer Camp and What's Been Going On

Hello all!!! I know that it has been forever since I have posted a blog. I was given some advice to help me cope with the situation so I want to start off my last quarter of freshman year with positive effort. So last week, I went with my mother to a wonderful place called USDAN which is a Creative and Performing Arts Center. It's the kind of place that takes you on a journey through the main art criteria depending on what art form that you want to explore. Their slogan is "Lose Yourself for a Summer. Find yourself for a lifetime." The first line means you don't have to have any outside experience to take the class that you want to take. I can agree with this system because when kids and early teenagers try something new, some can be hard on themselves and get frustrated easily to try and get something done, but that should not be the case. It should be just asking for help and having those "Oh my freakin god!!!! Maybe I could flip this around somehow!!" because you want to make what your creating whether it be an oil painting or a decorative sculpture (they have a wide variety of activities like chess, writing, music, theater, and if your not interested, there's always recreation but I think you would have to take that as a minor like college) your own thought process. The only major problem with that is your imagination is just different shades of your memory (pretty interesting concept to wrap yourself around).

Also, I'm really sorry that for the non-frequent posts in awhile. I'm just so busy with my freshmen year (or I was, because I looked at this and decided to begin getting back in the habit of posting) and a lot of new experiences were creeping up on me. I got to go to DisneyWorld! What a blast that was! And I'm kicking off my sophomore year with 4 school auditions next week! 2 for the musical (3 if I get into callbacks) and the last one for blue jazz band. I hope everybody understands where I'm coming from and I will talk about my USDAN experience in a later blog post. Gonna break me some legs at my auditions!!!

How to Find your Way to a Great Outcome (Its simpler than you think)

http://bigthink.com/in-their-own-words/why-a-positive-outlook-means-anything

Everybody usually has their own different opinion or philosophy on how to elaborate on stuff, their feelings about life, the news, how people should feel about one another, how different jobs, companies, even a whole country should be run. For my standards, I'm not really hooked onto a philosophy that I feel passionate about, whether it be any of the examples I listed or any other type people come up with for the situation given. I chose this article to talk about because personally, I just love seeing people giving motivation for others to keep going, whether it be in their life or in their work. I've also seen on a bunch of random psychology facts I looked up that even after you've had a rough day, whenever you smile or when somebody else gives you a smile, it makes everything better for the remainder of the day and it helps you focus on the positives that happened in the day so far. The article gives an example of this. How to always look at life with a positive outcome and to always think "Hey, wait just a gosh darn minute! Things can be worse!" or any other phrase similar to that. In the last few lines, the article says that it's not about what happens, it's about how you can take advantage of that and turn that around to make it from an ugly duckling into a beautiful swan. Well, hope you guys enjoy!