What Keeps Me From Starting Anything

This is a pretty big post for me.

One reason that I feel I can't start something is there are too many distractions around me. I think I'm getting distracted right now by people who are talking about something that I really want to fall in on, but... it's almost like taking a nap. You know you're not gonna miss anything important so you just shut out the world for a little bit (or a lot a bit) and take a mental health break. You can also chose to do it or not, which is a big factor in this extending metaphor. I only chose not to because I feel like I'll miss something important. I "stay awake" from things that really aren't all that important. They make me forget about the important things that need to be done, aka homework. I also crave these distractions because I'm not entertained on whatever it is I need to work on.

How Fear Can Take Over My Art Process

I feel that fear is something that I always deal with whenever I'm in my art element. Even if I'm confident in my movements from what I've learned, I'm still always doubtful of myself. It's hard to express upon words. You just do not want to mess up, then the pressure just builds and builds as you struggle to do better, so not doing it at all and keeping that struggle away from you is the only solution. But then finally you have it and when you get it done, "it's lovely" but you're expected to do it again. After all the hard work, if you're good you can do it again. I was never good at it in the first place so how could I possibly do it again?! You always think that your just not putting in the right amount or you're just spilling over the brim. It's never just ENOUGH in some cases. Your insecurities take control over you when you are not comfortable in the art form that you want to be in. Sucking at it is inevitable, yet you can't bring yourself to learn from it. Some of this is how I feel when fear takes hold of me. Learning to get past it is practically impossible because it keeps recurring almost every day. Worst of all, that feeling of not even knowing where to start just leaves me frozen. Trapped. Frustrated. Stressed. The feelings' are written all over me, yet other people don't read it, never have the time to, or see it, try and help me, and I send them away. I say sorry a lot because I don't want to make a mistake. Fact is: I'm always going to make them, yet I can't get that in my head because of the other voices in my head saying "Eh, you're alright." or "Looking decently good.". Those voices need to shut the hell up, but everything changes when you're in the heat of the moment.

I feel like instead of doing something to just the best of my ability, I just simply try to do the best of what I'm given or what I've come up with in my art. Most people who know me or who have talked to me see that I over think a lot. I guess I just like to consider all of the possibilities because I'm never sure of myself and how I want to do things. I need to just pick a path and stick with it and create a time limit for myself for how long I have to choose. I remember doing this another time in order to come up with something to write about for a blog and it worked like a charm. The one question is: Why haven't I used it yet? I need to get the voices out of my head that are stopping for finding the perfect thing. Instead, the perfect think should be what I think is right. If it's not relevant to whatever the main objective was, I'll be justified and hopefully disciplined if done enough times. I think discipline is as an important component to standing up to your fear as is facing it like a man/strong woman. If I don't think that you'll be able to do something again and again and again like blog posting, why can't I just think ahead at an unfinished product like you always would do with a painting of the consequences. That will could possibly teach me to keep pushing along and get over my fear of posting something that may seem embarrassing or revealing. Think of a more positive outcome.

Lastly, I feel like many artists tend to live in the moment with many things. They choose to reflect on their work only if it composes inspiration or something they are quite proud of. However, if you ever reflect on something bad, you can either choose to ignore it, complain about it, or reflect upon it for how and what you can do better. Also, don't worry if you over think a lot and don't worry too much about how something's gonna turn out. At least you have a lot of options in your head to make anything from a different angle and at least you have the talent and a hell of potential to set a goal for yourself. You know where you're going. You know where to start. Just go for it. If you mess up, use that as your advantage to looking at things from a new angle. Isn't that how all artists are unique? The inevitability of messing up makes artistry even more worth while.  I hope you really dug into my cranium to see how fear and the ways to conquer that fear take over my art process. I bid you all adieu.